May ^31st, 2009

“Don't get involved in partial problems, but always take flight to where there is a free view over the whole single great problem, even if this view is still not a clear one.” -LW

The older I get, the more things there are that fill me with regret. When I was younger it was easy to push it all aside and get on with life. Now that the emotional chains are much heavier and my body weaker, I cannot ignore 61 years— my story.

Still, it does not imply that I am willing to sit still. There are still chances to correct that which is in my control.

I met with Mary on Thursday evening. We met over a cup of coffee and almond muffins (her favorite) at the Mercury Cafe. I hadn't seen her in over a year, and the first thing I noticed was how much college was changing her. She looked like a full on adult for the first time in her life. She was cleanly dressed, looked slightly weathered, and exuded an aura of passionate focused. It made me proud to be her father and sad for the lack of engagement with her over the past few years.

Our conversation mostly concerned the little things. It was as if she was testing the waters of getting to know me again. I can't blame her, I would be skeptical too. But still, I am her father, and being able to talk to her at all made me happy. We had made progress and the dimmed light of a reconnect didn't seem so hopeless.