noun
a painful feeling of pain or humiliation or distress caused by the consciousness of wrong or foolish behavior
It was one of those break through moments when I realized that my son was beginning to understand the world. The sun was setting on Lake Michigan after a day of strolling through the museum campus. We stopped at a street vendor and I bought him a bowl of ice cream. The man next to us was scratching off a lottery ticket and shouted quietly to himself, “Yes! I won! This is totally awesome.”
My son and I went to sit on the cool grass. Scooping into his first bite, he asked, “Dad, why was that man so happy?”
I became the parent and explained, “He must have won a lot of money on his lottery ticket. And that's a good thing for him.”
My son gave me a quizzical look and was clearly working something out in his head. I wasn't sure what he was thinking so hard about. Was he thinking about how much money the man had won? What he would buy with the money? Where the money comes from? He looked back up at me and replied, “But Dad, I bet he has spent more money buying tickets than he won on that one ticket. I don't think that is winning.”
I smiled. This complex thought from a 6 year old boy. Those are the moments I think I will cherish. My happy thought was broken by a woman walking past us. She was practically screaming into her cell phone. She had a little girl with her, no more than 4. The girl was skipping her steps in a fatigued manner that displayed her inability to keep up for much longer.
The girl seemed in awe, unfamiliar to the city. Sitting wide eyed at the rows of twinkling street lights, the sound of the waves hitting the concrete barricade, and the feel of the cool summer air, the young child was learning as only children do, experimentally aware. I saw her head swinging from side to side, taking in the world presented to her. She was remarkably unlike a child in one manner, she was incredibly quiet, only gasping and pointing at each new sight. It was as if what she was being presented with was just too much to take in. I could only wonder what conclusions she would be making.
But with what freedom? Her mother seemed disinterested. Consumed by her cell phone conversation, dragging the girl along by the hand, the mother was directing them both in a rush to uncertainty. The mother threw her bag onto a bench and pushed her child onto the seat, almost automatically scolding, “Sit down and shut the hell up.”
The child was instantly, automatically obedient. She sat down and sunk her head. With that the mother continued on with her conversation as if the little girl wasn't even there.
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